Re-wtight; final

RE-WRITE STORY!


“Where is my home?”

The original story is written by M, Goli, in Persian language. This story is about an Iranian family that had left their country because of a different situation that happened to their family. They loved their country very much and they had belonged there. They hadn’t enough time to take everything which was necessary for an initial life. Since their life was in danger, they had to go somewhere else. It was difficult for them to find a new place for starting a new life. Unfortunately, a new situation changed their destiny and their hope for better life. The father who had power in family couldn’t endure with a new situation and he couldn’t adapt himself with new culture. Moreover, when he knew that his daughters wanted to leave their family which was unusual to their culture, he died of this grief. When the head of the family died, all responsibilities were on the mother’s shoulders. She spent a hard time in her life for this new role, and it was heavier than her power, and she couldn’t longer able to fight with life. She didn’t like both her daughters as before, and she thought that they were the cause of losing her husband. After a few times, she lost her mind and one day, without saying anything to her daughters, she left the house. Nobody ever know where she had gone?
Sofia always thinks why she is different from others in the area where they are living, why she cannot make friends, why she can neither understand nor communicate with other people when they speak, why her family has gone through so many difficult times, and thousands of other questions which she cannot find answers to. Sofia wished, even for a few hours she could return to those years when she and her family had a good and a happy life in their own country. They had a big house, a beautiful garden with a variety of flowers with different colours and aromatic smell. Her family as well, had a pool with clear water and a lot of goldfish which all the time they were dancing in the water. The perfumed pots of roses, Persian lilacs and Persian jasmines, were placed on the ledge of the pool.
Why have they lost everything? And why are they here in this new place?
Because she was a young daughter, she never had the experience in her life to find the answers for these questions and other problems which she had faced. She knew that even if she asked her parents about their past, she might not get a proper answer and her parents might get upset.
What is the reason for these overwhelming changes in their life?
Sofia’s family was small and it included her father Ali, her mother Mina, and her sister Sarah.
On a beautiful sunny day, I recalled that we went to a lovely countryside with friends and relatives.
Everyone was enjoying themselves and children played happily. Mom was talking to her friends, and my dad was very cheerful, I even saw him playing with my sister that is unusual, and in fact, I would never forget that day.
I remembered the next morning when I woke up suddenly, I felt that something caused me to worry when I was asleep, something like a bad nightmare. For a few moments, I couldn’t recognize what happened to me; was it a nightmare? Or did it happen to me in real life? I was wandering and felt that I had deadly pain in my whole body or might be the pain which was just in my mind. For a long time I thought that someone was walking on the roof of my room, and he or she was looking and checking inside the house. I was scared and went under the blanket to cover myself from light and essentially from everything. I wanted to know why I was so upset and recalled the dream which I had, to find my lost answers. I started to dream again and I saw people and cities they were not familiar to me, and I had never seen them before in my life. Suddenly, I found myself in the unfamiliar place and so scary which I closed my eyes because I didn’t like to see them. I was afraid and I hadn’t had anyone to help me, therefore, I was trying to escape to somewhere safe, to a secure and a welcoming place, but where would it be?
It was time to wake up and to prepare for school. I told myself “Sofia it was only a dream and nothing else”. I did my routine chores as usual, unaware that that day would be different from other days to me, and my whole life path would be changed soon. When I came back home in the afternoon, I felt that something unexpected would have happened. I saw my mom working in the kitchen, her eyes were moist though, and my dad was not at home. When mom saw my panic-stricken eyes, she said she didn’t know how to get rid of her arthritis. She pretended that her arthritis was the cause of her moist eyes. But her eyes were saying something differently; I held her hand and asked, mom what has happened? I remember very well what she replied to me, “nothing my darling, I have a lot of pain in my leg.”
I kissed her head and said “mom talk to me, have you argued with dad?” She sadly said to me “no, but today the police came here and arrested your father and took him away. They even did not let your father contact his lawyer.”
I was surprised and asked why. Mom told me she didn’t know. She tried to find my father’s lawyer and finally, she could talk to him. The lawyer said: “you don’t need to do anything, but just stay home.” Those were very harsh days for us when I thought about the last twenty days which we hadn’t had any news from him. These were the darkest days in our lives, as we hadn’t had anyone to help us, and moreover, we didn’t know who we could blame. Besides that, we could not know who our enemies were, especially when we didn’t have any news from our dearest father.
One evening after twenty days of my father’s absence, he finally came back home. He had changed a lot; he became thin and haggard, calm and quiet, and he looked odd as well. We hugged him and thanked God that he had come back home physically unharmed. My younger sister Sarah hugged father’s leg and didn’t like to free it. I cannot forget those moments even now, and it is like the anguish of a bird whose baby had been lost, or a mother losing a child.
Today is a strange day for me, and I can’t release myself from different thoughts which are coming to my mind. For instance, I recalled two days ago when I saw a young man in the park behind our house. He was sitting on the park’s bench and was looking at his old shoes and was deeply thinking, maybe about his fate or might be he was asking himself why he was born. I was sure that he didn’t see anybody; his hands were in his pockets, and it seemed that he wasn’t in this world; his soul was in another world, while his body has just sat on that bench. I wanted to go to that young man and give him my friendship, and try to tell him that I could understand and feel his thoughts, as we are in the same situation as him. But I didn’t know why I couldn’t say anything, maybe the reason was because, the silence in the park or people in the park seemed that, they are walking there without any souls. One more time I remembered when my father came back home. Everything had changed, we hadn’t more amenities, and it seemed that all of us were waiting for something to happen. That day arrived, and our parents gathered us and said we had to leave here and go somewhere else to start a new life. I thought that we were going to another city in the country, but I was wrong though. We moved to a new country where everything was different.
We have closed our house door which to us was the Eden’s door to heaven, which was so safe. To arrive to a new place for a new life, we had struggled and had so many difficulties. I was looking strange and unfamiliar to other people when I was trying to find a friend who can understand me. It was the moment when I felt myself empty and defenceless, and I asked myself, “why I should live? I may as well be dead?”
One day when I was going to university, I had thought about my parents, how they were living here without any hope and very little to live for. They lost the love and happiness which they had had already. It seemed that they were living together, and because of that, they have to. One day, I was waiting for a bus at the bus stop. I started to look at the snow which was on the ground and under my shoes, and because they were my old shoes, my legs were frozen in them. When the bus arrived, I got in, and even though the bus was warm, I had felt so cold. But I was sure that it was because of my dark and vague thoughts. The bus arrived at the university and then I got off, but the cold feeling still was with me. Suddenly, one of my books which I carried fell down, and my teeth hit to each other, which I could hear the sound from them. I tried not to think about anything, except my university, my books, and my homework. Pedestrians were walking and their hands were in their pockets and their warm breath came out like a steam. Some of their faces were red coloured that indicated their inside warmth; it seemed that they had just come out of the bathroom. They were passing each other unconcerned, and I asked myself, “Do you know why they are walking positive and so secure?” I answered my own question,
“Because here is their own country, and I am an uninvited guest. I am suffering from the cold, and even my footprint is invisible in the snow. I don’t belong to this place. It isn’t my country, therefore, I should be careful when I walk, since I haven’t any places in the world, not in my own country or anywhere else. I’ve lost my childhood home and hopes, even my parents’ glance aren’t kind and warm as before.”
It was so difficult to find someone as a friend or a companion who would listen to me kindly and understand me, and it seemed that all people were busy and they had no time for that. Everyone was trying to get a piece of bread for her/him self. It seemed that the human bonds were dead or they were weak, and if someone talked to foreigners, it was because they were friendly, which means they could understand and feel for them. It wasn’t their fault, for the reason that they never were in this situation, where you were, and they could not really feel for you. They are kind to you but in their own culture, it’s unchangeable. It is a new colonial condition in the 21th century and it’s your destiny. You have to escape from everything and everyone; you can take your soul by yourself though. There is a jungle law and its power is higher than everything in the world, and every human being loses its meaning and values. Some people, who are sacrificed of the neo-colonialism, never can get their rights back and it seems that they never exist in the world. Moreover, God also seems that He has forgotten these suffering people whom He created. Here, I asked myself, “I know that God is great, kind, and compassionate, why doesn’t He help to make a world full of kindness and happiness that every person feels safe and none of the mothers see their children tears and none of the people feel themselves lonely in this big world, isn’t there enough space for everyone?”
Time flew fast and the days had gone very fast, and we tried to solve our problems. Our life got a new shape of normal life not as expected though. We again relied on our proud father which he could finally find a small job for himself. My sister and I spent our entire time at university and our family culture which we had previously run in the house. My father again showed his power for running our life and as a patriarch. We could one more time feel that life could be nice and beautiful.
Our small family again found itself safe in this new country, and we didn’t think more about dying or returning home. We were thinking of making a good future, especially a normal life for me and my sister.
I very well remembered that every night, father came back from work which was physical and so hard for him, because he never did this kind of work before in our country. He called us and put his hands on mine and my sister’s heads. We could feel the warmth of his heavy hands and that gave us hope and happiness, which told us that we were lucky and everything would be better. My sister laughed and looked at my father’s eyes and said “I love you so much my dear daddy.” It was an unforgettable moment in my life, when we were together, we could feel the happiness in our new home. I like to admit that my father was our only supporter in this cruel world.
Unfortunately, my mother couldn’t adapt herself to a new situation and every day she was thinking about our own country and her position which she had, and also about her property and facilities which she had left. She always thought that she was alone and when she reviewed her memories, her face started to change and became so upset. She told us one day that sometime she felt that she was standing in an unknown train station lonely and felt scary. She did not know where she wanted to go and where to go, but the trains never came. She left and came here only for the sake of father’s situation. She had pretended that she was happy but her behaviour and deed seemed different to us. One day, my father told me that, as the eldest and a wise daughter, I have to take more care of my mother; he added that he, himself, was also so worried about her health. It was a difficult task for me, because mother liked to do housework by herself and when she hadn’t had anything to do she preferred to be alone by herself just sitting and thinking. She didn’t allow anyone to ruin her privacy and seclusion. Moreover, she liked to pray in private and talked to her God.
I recalled my mother’s words of how she met my father the first time. She said that my father liked often to go to concerts often. It was nearly twenty five years ago when she first met him. He had been working as an intern in the hospital, and mother was just finishing her last year at the college of music. She could recollect clearly the night when the students of the college of music were performing Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony, and she was playing the clarinet. They fell in love with each other instantly, and a year later, they were married. She continued and said our family had a good time when we were in our country; our relationship with other relatives was close and friendly, and if we faced any difficulties, everyone together tried to help each other to solve the problems.
“Do you know Sofia; “why nobody doesn’t want to help us to solve this disastrous fate?” asked my mother.
My father tried to come to terms with his destiny, mean while, he continued his fighting with neo-colonialism which was the cause of us wandering, homelessly. He didn’t let that to dominate his spirit and mind. Nevertheless, my dear mom couldn’t adapt herself to a new situation and always she was thinking about bygone days. Mom’s mind was wandering among her own country and their new one. In other words, she lost herself and it was difficult for her to adapt in their new situation. She liked her husband and children, but to be in this situation was unbearable. Therefore, dad one day called me and Sarah and told us “I am worried about your mom, and I want her to go back to that place, where she belongs.” It was harder than our first decision when we made to leave our own country. We thought it could be a right decision just for mom, because we were witnesses of mom’s situation and her mental problems. She left us and our lives became a hell. I don’t know why the great God sometimes want to test the human’s patience?



Bahram Tehrani