My re-write of Great Expectations

Hi everyone. This is my final version of my re-write. I hope you enjoy it. There is a glossary of Australian vernacular/slang at the end.

My surname is Mattitt, and my Christian name is Matilda. As a kid I couldn’t get my tongue around those words, so I called myself Mat. My family and cobbers called me Mat too. I live in Queensland, Australia. This is the story of my great-great-great uncle Magwitch who came from England. He did the hard yacka over here as a convict. Later he became filthy rich from farming. My old man’s father told me the story. Sit down and we’ll have a chinwag about him.

I don’t know much about his childhood – but I know his dad was a tinker. His folks ditched him as a young fella I believe, so he had a rough start. Magwitch had the face of an angel apparently. However he was always a bit of a handful, even as a kid. When he was older he got caught up in some dodgy deals in England and he was nabbed by the constabulary and shipped off over here with a swag of others, on one of those prison ships called hulks - they were left over from the Napoleonic Wars, would you believe. This was around 1812, but the cons kept coming till the late186o’s or thereabouts. The Poms sent them here to work as free labour to develop the colony for them. London had huge crime problems at the time after the industrial revolution and the slammers were overflowing, so they shipped ‘em here. Shame they couldn’t deal with their problems on their own soil. However, if that had happened, we wouldn’t know about old Magwitch, so I’ll continue.

These were tough times remember, not at all like today. Struth, you didn’t have to do much to land yourself in Sydney as a convict in those days. I remember my grandfather saying that there were two other cons Magwitch was friendly with. One named Tom, who was sent off because he nicked a bag of sugar and the other, Daniel, was a master screever – that’s someone who knocks off documents. Can you imagine that? Being sent off to the other side of the world as a prisoner on grotty old ships just for doing that? What a tragic place.

The convicts, some who had done major crimes but others just stupid things like Tom, had a rough time of it – they were treated harshly – often lashed and that sort of thing. Most of them were sentenced to do seven years over here, and then given a Certificate of Freedom - they could then become a free settler or return to England. Magwitch’s case was a bit different though; he went down for fourteen years and was never supposed to return to England. He was lucky, I guess, that he didn’t get sent to hell-holes like Port Arthur or Norfolk Island.

Thankfully there were a few decent pommy officials round at the time though - one a bloke called Sir Richard Bourke, was the ninth Governor of the colony. He was disgusted at the treatment dished out to the convicts and limited the punishments they endured. His efforts helped Magwitch because he changed the rules and ex-cons could later own land and have more rights.

Before being sent off from England on the hulk, Magwitch had briefly escaped one Christmas Eve and hid in a church graveyard in a village; but he was later recaptured and sent on his way. However when he was hiding he met an ankle-biter called Pip. Pip’s parents were dead, so he lived with his older sister who was a total cow to him. She’d whack him with a broom and treat him like a wombat. Her husband was okay though. His name was Joe and he was a blacksmith. On the day Magwitch escaped, Pip went to the graveyard to visit his olds’ graves. He got a heck of a fright when he found Magwitch hiding behind one of the tombstones. Magwitch gave him the evils to frighten him – looked as mad as a cut snake apparently, but he was actually freaked out himself. He looked a sight in his filthy prison clothes and chains on his ankles – they were meant to stop him gapping it – didn’t work too well did they? Magwitch picked Pip up by his collar, shouted at him and told him to go get a sharp file so he could cut through the chains on his feet. He also demanded that Pip bring him some food. Pip was only very young at the time and was understandably terrified – he didn’t spit the dummy though, instead he sprinted off. He was tempted not to come back with the things, but Magwitch had said he would find Pip and rip his guts out if he didn’t. Pip knew that Joe had a file in his shed so he snuck in and took it, along with a pie from the kitchen for Magwitch’s smoko. The next morning Pip returned to the cemetery with the things. This time Magwitch was much more like his true self and was pleasant to Pip. He’d been nervous and didn’t mean to scare the daylights out of Pip, but thought if he didn’t, Pip wouldn’t bring him the stuff he so desperately needed. He grabbed the file and began sawing through his chains. Finally he said to Pip:

“I won’t forget you boy. Remember me. Abel Magwitch, that’s my name.”
Pip replied that he wouldn’t forget him and ran off home.

I’ll tell you a bit more about Pip later, but returning now to these shores and those convict times. The hulk that Magwitch, Tom and Daniel were on, arrived at the Rocks with a heap of others on board – some of them cons but also free settlers. Have you ever been to the Rocks? It’s a cool place now, but was grim-as back then. It got its name from the sandstone found in the area which was used to make the buildings. The Rocks was heinous in those days. Thieves, whores, drunks and grotty houses all linked together, no toilets – just communal bog houses out the back. Gross! This was where the ex-crims lived mostly. Later the Hyde Park Barracks were built to try to bring some order to the place. Toward the end of their sentences, some of the cons lived in the Barracks. The women were sent to the Female Factory up at Parramatta - often chucked in there for nicking stuff, etc. Got their hair chopped off as soon as they arrived. ‘Those who spoke the King’s English you know’ as granddad would say - the free settlers who came over from England to try to make a buck out of gold and that kind of thing, lived up on the north-end ridge of the hill.

When Magwitch arrived he was marched up to the Government Lumber Yard, processed and set to work clearing the land and building roads. Others were sent to the mines, quarries or brickfields. Magwitch served out his sentence – managed to keep his trap shut and stay out of trouble, but all the while never forgetting young Pip. He was released and then fortunately, he struck it lucky and became super rich. He bought a farm and ran jumbucks up north of Queensland. Slowly as the money came in, he bought more and more of the adjoining land till he finally had the huge station my rellies now own. He had heaps of workers and was a good boss by all accounts. However, after all those years locked away, the problem was he had an eye for anything in a skirt. The station-hands gave him heaps about it, but he just laughed. He’d string two or three of these sheilas along at the same time, bonking his heart out, till one of them would get wind of what he was up to and then the sparks would fly. Old Tom, who’s worked on the station for years, told me that one of his old rellies had said to his dad that the guys in the shearing gang used to try to wind Magwitch up by singing this old song when he was around – you’ll know the tune, it’s called ‘Click go the shears’:

Old Magwitch the man he is here on the prowl
Lock up your sheilas when he’s around
Casting his eye like a real connoisseur
He’ll waste no time, he’s the perfect lure!

Click go the shears, boys, click, click, click,
He’s a Pommy stud and his hands move quick,
His rival looks around and is beaten to her bed,
And curses the old shagger in his posh homestead!

His mates gave him a hard time and tried to find a new nickname for him - eventually coming up with the name ‘Provis’, and they called him that from thereon in. Remember the early missionaries had done a good job of spreading the ‘word’ with their stories of the Lord’s providence and I reckon those blokes all thought old Magwitch must have someone special above looking out for him, to be scoring all those women! So that’s how they came up with ‘Provis’ - short for providence.

Magwitch enjoyed his time farming. He kept on the right side of the law for many years and became rich. There were no airs and graces with him. He got on well with the jackaroos who worked his land and with the local Abo’s. He didn’t mind too much when they went walkabout. Not like other farmers who used to kill them if they nicked their sheep. Did you know the last mass-killing of Aborigines happened as late as 1926 after some shindig when a local copper was killed? After that, the Abo’s were encouraged to move to settlements away from the British - to cause less trouble apparently. He was a bit before his time old Magwitch. He respected their rights as indigenous people – they arrived here thousands of years ago remember, yet only got the vote in 1967! Fair dinkum!

Magwitch eventually stopped his womanizing when he hooked up with an Aboriginal sheila called Alice, and they had a few sprogs. Having mixed race kids was no worry to Magwitch and Alice. However, other kids like this weren’t so lucky. They were seen as a bit of an embarrassment, and many of these kids were sent off to orphanages or to white families in later years. Sad aye. Kevin Rudd would be proud of old Magwitch, if he were alive today. Oh yeah – that reminds me, did you hear Rudd on telly the other night? He gave a speech to Australia apologizing for how whites have treated the Aborigines. He called them ‘The Stolen Generation’. Tom was rapped when he heard Rudd speak, they say. Bloody marvelous that Rudd’s finally doing something about it. Their unemployment, booze and other problems that resulted from them being treated as outcasts for years should finally be dealt with.

Sorry, I digressed there. Now back to Magwitch. He never forgot Pip during his time in Australia as he had promised. He arranged for a lawyer in London, a man by the name of Jaggers, to check up on Pip. Magwitch decided to share his new-found fortune with Pip and gave him a huge weekly allowance – much bigger than what those trust fund kids get these days. Magwitch wanted Pip to go to ‘the big smoke’ - London and live his dreams or ‘his expectations’. However, he didn’t want Pip to know the money was coming from him until he was ready. Magwitch liked secrets apparently.

Pip was bowled-over to get his weekly cash while it lasted, as you can imagine. Who wouldn’t be? He had wondered where the money was coming from but Jaggers had told him that the donor wanted to remain anonymous until he decided the time was right to tell him. Pip was told by Jaggers that he should not try anything sneaky to find out who it was. He went off to London. Sounds like he turned into a bit of a toff actually – all that class stuff they have over there and he hob-knobbed with the rich and famous. He got himself flashy clothes; learned never to mention money; was taught how to hold his knife and fork properly and other wanky stuff like that. A guy called Pocket was his teacher and taught him how to be ‘a perfect gentleman’. Imagine if we had dorks like that round here – they’d get the snot beaten out of them. Anyway, apparently when Pip was in London learning all this stuff, his brother-in-law Joe, came to visit and Pip came across all high and mighty and rejected him. What a prick of a thing to do, if you ask me, but that’s that British class thing happening. Pip and he sorted it out later when Pip came back to ground level and apologized.

By now you’re probably wondering where I come into it. Well, as I said, Magwitch married an Aboriginal sheila called Alice. She worked as a rousy for a family from Manchester who took up sheep-farming on a farm real close to Magwitch’s. She started off a bonza chick apparently and she and Magwitch had several ankle biters, as I mentioned, including a girl called Jane. I’m not too sure what exactly happened to Alice but I think she ended up hitting the bottle quite badly and died suddenly. Things like this were kept close to the chin in those days, probably because of the shame at what other people would think. Magwitch was gutted as you can imagine. To take his mind of things, apparently he started yearning more and more for Pip to the point where he was totally preoccupied with seeing him again. Magwitch finally decided to go back to England and Jane and the others were looked after by Alice’s family. Remember he wasn’t supposed to return to England, but he gave the law the finger and returned. He used his Aussie nick-name ‘Provis’ when he was there to avoid the hangman who would have got him if he’d been caught. He met up with Pip again and Pip was blown away to discover Magwitch was his benefactor – actually Pip was apparently embarrassed to be getting his cash from a con – but hey, would you turn down that sort of cash? I don’t think so. They caught up on lost time over their few days together. Magwitch was meant to only be away for a short time but unfortunately he never returned here, as he got sick as a dog back in England. I’ll tell you about that shortly. Meanwhile Jane grew up and married a bloke called Patrick Mattitt – one of my ancestors – Mattitt’s my surname as you know. They had about eight kids – good Holy Romans they were! The Mattitts are spread far and wide round here.

Now before I finish, I must tell you about Magwitch’s bitter enemy; a man called Compeyson. He was in on the deal that they originally got busted for. However, he was a real sly bastard and managed to wangle his way out with a much lighter sentence than Magwitch. Magwitch was super pissed-off with him and fists flew when they saw each other later. Before they got busted, Compeyson had got engaged to a lady who was totally besotted with him. Not sure of her first name but her surname was Havisham. You know what he did to her? On their wedding day when she was just about to arrive at the church, he bolted and she never saw him again. It took her years and years to get over it and they say she never really did. The reason I’m telling you this is when Magwitch heard about it, he went ballistic and decked Compeyson again. Magwitch was no saint as you know, but he had his boundaries – unlike Compeyson. To try to help Miss Havisham get over Compeyson, Magwitch and Jaggers arranged for a girl to come and stay with her. This girl was called Estella. In fact she was a stuck-up little ‘princess’ who had known Pip since they were nippers. Anyway Miss Havisham found it helped her a bit to have Estella around - someone to care for, and so she ended up adopting her. As it turned out, Estella happened to be Magwitch’s daughter - one of his ‘accidents’ that he’d had to shut up about. When Pip started raving on to him about this woman of his dreams called Estella, Magwitch worked out the connection and was blown away. Estella was stunningly gorgeous and heaps of guys were after her. Miss Havisham got a bit nervous about all the attention Estella was attracting and when she was in her late teens sent her off to finishing school in Paris to ‘file off the rough edges’, or something. When she returned she was even more up-herself - but Pip, who had had the hots for her for years, fancied her even more now. What’s that old saying? Oh yeah ‘treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen’. Must have worked this time. Apparently they hooked up in the end.

Meanwhile, Magwitch had become real crook. He nearly drowned when he fell out of a boat when trying to speed off from the cops. His lungs were shot after that and he was sent to the prison hospital. Pip brought Estella in to see Magwitch just before he died and they spent some special time together. Pip stayed with Magwitch on his deathbed. Just before he died, Pip quietly sang Magwitch his version of the chorus of the old Aussie ballard that he’d had taught him:

Surrender now, Abel Magwitch, you see your time has come.
Surrender now, Abel Magwitch, I’ll miss you when you’re gone.
You gave me all a man could want and then you gave some more
My beautiful Estella I couldn’t ask for more.

Magwitch died in his sleep.

Pip sent a letter to Jane and the family passing on the sad news. They wrote back and forwards for a while after I believe, and Pip told them he and Estella had married. Then nothing more was heard from them.

Hope I haven’t ear-bashed you too long.



Glossary
Ankle-biter child
Big smoke city
Bonza excellent
Chinwag a chat
Crook sick
Ear-bashed talk incessantly
Fair dinkum! True, genuine
Hard yacka hard work
Jackaroo a young male management trainee on a sheep or cattle station
Jumbucks sheep
Knock off a counterfeit product
Mad as a cut snake crazy
Rousy a female wool sorter in a shearing shed
Shindig a noisy party, commotion
Smoko a work break, morning or afternoon tea
Spit the dummy get very upset
Sprogs children
Struth an exclamation of surprise
Swag a large or unspecified number
Toff a rich, well-dressed, or upper-class person, esp. a man
Trap shut mouth shut
Wombat a simple-minded person